I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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