i already hear my dad disowning me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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