bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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