just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Four minutes until I can fart!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
