Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
two words...techno handjob
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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