I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize