what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
