Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
