please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think I am morally bankrupt
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
