Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
