My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
