that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
