just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Operation Purity has been aborted
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
