so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
