At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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