No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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