you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
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Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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