6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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