Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
