Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
