i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
