Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
as a side note pls kill me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
