Screwed.edu
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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