I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
