overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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