I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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