he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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