I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
