Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
