Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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