Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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