I showed him my bush... on skype.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
