I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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