he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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