Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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