I wish I could punch you in the face.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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