Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
