Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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