So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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