new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
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THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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