so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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