so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
