Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we made out on top of his cat.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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