I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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