Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
