I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
