ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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