My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
