It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I would ride that face into the sunset
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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