YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
