haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
