the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
