Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
birth control should be required to get into college
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
