pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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