Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
