Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
