I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My dick has a subreddit
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
