enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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