im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
