So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do vagina's smell?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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