so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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