If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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