every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
