Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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