Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
