This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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