Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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