He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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