I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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