UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
